Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
