I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
