dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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