just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
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