Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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