just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
