do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the day after is always just damage control
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Randomize
