I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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