I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
