You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
