Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
