you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I checked into jail on foursquare
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
