Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
