Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
