I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
