My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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