Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm sobbing to NWA
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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