my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
