is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
