never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
