this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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