Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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