had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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