wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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