i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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