you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
