Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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