look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
