we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
