I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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