Only a mothe r could love this liver
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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