How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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