Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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