I hate all girls vehemently.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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