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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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