I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have demons in me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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