honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
