Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
