It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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