We won't sleep together?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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