I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
this will be a night to untag.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
