just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
