Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
