I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
