Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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