I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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