my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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