weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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