I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize