haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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