I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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