yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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