dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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