I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
