how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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