I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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