She is in my trunk
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
