Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.

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  (415): Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer. http://tfl.nu/s996
  Replies (22) Good night (4514) Bad night (560)
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  (716): View more from New York

  You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.

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  (716): You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook. http://tfl.nu/wajd
  Replies (18) Good night (5730) Bad night (1457)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.

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  (954): I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals. http://tfl.nu/1tkg
  Replies (16) Good night (1067) Bad night (4581)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.

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  (509): I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job. http://tfl.nu/4wpv
  Replies (10) Good night (3567) Bad night (781)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT

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  (314): WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT http://tfl.nu/lhuy
  Replies (3) Good night (2327) Bad night (954)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.

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  (952): pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient. http://tfl.nu/mkyj
  Replies (2) Good night (3179) Bad night (1232)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural

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  (630): Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural http://tfl.nu/4h5e
  Replies (6) Good night (843) Bad night (2427)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.

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  (610): At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there. http://tfl.nu/2tn8
  Replies (1) Good night (1617) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea

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  (509): We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea http://tfl.nu/v62m
  Replies (5) Good night (3402) Bad night (710)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!

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  (570): ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin! http://tfl.nu/i1tl
  Replies (18) Good night (1465) Bad night (2131)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.

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  (606): If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now. http://tfl.nu/nnuj
  Replies (3) Good night (1842) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon

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  (623): He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon http://tfl.nu/msr7
  Replies (5) Good night (1503) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.

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  (314): I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move. http://tfl.nu/5xj0
  Replies (9) Good night (900) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.

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  (914): Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever. http://tfl.nu/0i96
  Replies (1) Good night (732) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.

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  (406): I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler. http://tfl.nu/7ln7
  Replies (4) Good night (545) Bad night (197)

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