Texts From Last Night

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  (209): View more from California

  I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.

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  (209): I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans. http://tfl.nu/8x3v
  Replies (8) Good night (707) Bad night (1212)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.

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  (601): they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell. http://tfl.nu/6mr7
  Replies (53) Good night (7941) Bad night (680)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him

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  (631): Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him http://tfl.nu/sdh3
  Replies (53) Good night (5466) Bad night (1054)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Since when is my name a synonym for head?

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  (908): Since when is my name a synonym for head? http://tfl.nu/s1ks
  Replies (40) Good night (3567) Bad night (1372)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.

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  (256): Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night. http://tfl.nu/gx6d
  Replies (17) Good night (3703) Bad night (1047)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.

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  (479): I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke. http://tfl.nu/g10c
  Replies (4) Good night (2844) Bad night (1078)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me

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  (218): i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me http://tfl.nu/gpjb
  Replies (19) Good night (1344) Bad night (5208)
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  (310): View more from California

  Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"

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  (310): Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god" http://tfl.nu/2xo4
  Replies (10) Good night (4345) Bad night (829)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.

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  (206): Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me. http://tfl.nu/pgvw
  Replies (8) Good night (1084) Bad night (561)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?

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  (407): When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad? http://tfl.nu/v8ru
  Replies (8) Good night (1438) Bad night (492)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.

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  (706): Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one? (1-706): You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome. http://tfl.nu/97og
  Replies (4) Good night (835) Bad night (330)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.

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  (203): You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity (1-203): You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in. http://tfl.nu/9k8g
  Replies (1) Good night (936) Bad night (290)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  .As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.

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  (301): .As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it. http://tfl.nu/uc8c
  Replies (1) Good night (445) Bad night (196)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.

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  (510): There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do. http://tfl.nu/onee
  Replies (2) Good night (402) Bad night (211)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?

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  (616): your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial? http://tfl.nu/h7zs
  Replies (1) Good night (385) Bad night (249)

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