i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation