you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
