Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
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ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You coming home soon, man?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
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When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?