Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you have to choose: penises or morals?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"