i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
