No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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