You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
