im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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