I want to have your abortion
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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