just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Randomize
