I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
