The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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