I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
